history repeating

Today there was a collision. That is to say, that a concept that's been brewing in my mind was struck by the appearance someone form my past. The wreckage that is reality in my mind is a little upsetting.
I've been noticing a pattern over the last few weeks of false starts or lack of forward motion in terms of the men in my life. So much so that it made me think perhaps my radar was off about their intentions? but after some reflection, i don't think it's my radar that's off, its the men who i have allowed to be around or somehow attracted. I've not been too sure what the impediment is here, but I've been feeling pretty over this whole situation.

Then, an old boyfriend came in to work tonight. This guy....let's just say he is the epitome of this concept I'm frustrated by. He was the one who pushed and pulled every moment he came around. His actions said one thing, his mouth another. He treated me like a girlfriend but couldn't handle making any kind of commitment beyond that weekend. Ran away at the first sign of his real feelings being aired. Nothing serious allowed.

So there i am, thinking i've got my shit together, matured, gotten better at knowing what i want, good at seeing red flags, content with being (possibly too) picky about men, that there's something wrong with all of THEM...and in he walks. Like a human highlighter, sent to make obvious the reality that I am the common variable. I am the one causing my own history to repeat itself by the choices I'M making.

booooooooooooooooooooooo