For the last 6 years i have been carrying around this burden of anxiety. learning to understand it, manage it and live with it. However in that process it also controlled many aspects of my life including many boundaries on what i thought i could and could not do. Everything I ever decided to do was based on whether i would feel safe enough. And even then I had alot of exit strategies in case i became overwhelmed.
Over the last few months i've found myself testing the waters more and more. Realizing quite to my surprise, that i really can participate in so many things i once resigned myself to never do again.

Since i've realized these bounderies of mine were alot broader than i thought, I began to worry (of course) that something was wrong, or at least sometihng had changed and i didn't understand what was going on, it made me uncomfortable to be so comfortable. SO i went to see my 'lady in the chair' and found myself posing an almost ridiculous question to her:
"Is it okay that i'm having this much fun?"
I was actually having anxiety about NOT having anxiety...for crying out loud!

The answer, was of course, yes. That what i'm asking permission for is freedom, and that it is not selfish to want it. That i should absolutely go out and have it, own it, and have a great time.

There's no real such thing as a cure for waht goes on this head of mine, but there is an entire world of possibility i thought i had once lost forever, and for once i am simply whelmed.